Trying. 

With tears in his eyes, he angrily told me I didn’t understand him. I could tell he was pushing for me to challenge; to prove him wrong. I knew he wanted desperately to be heard, to not feel alone. I wanted so badly to be the one to give him that.

I wondered, then, as I looked at the furrowed brow that had always been so soft and loving before now, whether he was saying this to me or his ex girlfriend. 

I agreed that I didn’t understand. I wouldn’t dare argue with his truth. All the same my heart broke; I didn’t understand him even though I tried more than he realised. I tried as hard as I could. But trying isn’t enough.

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Crazy.

The city was an actual nightmare this morning. Thousands of people, swarming into all of the empty space, searching for Boxing Day sales and somewhere to sit. I braved the sun, wearing an open back dress that I’d never worn before. Behind me I overheard “I’m glad I don’t look like that” and of course I assumed they were talking about me. I wanted to turn around and ask them what they said, dare them to say it again, ask them if they were referring to the back I had uncovered, but I didn’t. Because that would be crazy.  It was 25 degrees by 11am but I put a cardigan on. That’s less crazy, right?

 

Advance Australia Fair.

Australia has been an absolute cluster fuck of morals this year.

Our country has blood on it’s hands. The blood of those who sought safety at our very, very privileged doorstep – who we shipped away and turned our backs on.

For those who’ve come across the seas; we’ve boundless plains to share. 

Tomorrow we hear the opinions of those who chose to vote on whether same sex marriages should be acceptable in the eyes of the law.

In history’s page, let every stage, Advance Australia Fair. 

I am ashamed and I am deeply saddened. I am afraid. I don’t know who we are or what we stand for.

With courage, let us all combine to Advance Australia Fair. 

I’m sure I’m not alone. That’s something.

Two weeks

Two weeks and you were like a new lover

with curves and a taste I had yet to discover

Maybe distance makes the heart grow fonder

Or maybe it just makes it wonder

How it might feel, if I was alone

How it might feel, without a home

I wasn’t sure what we were meant to do

I didn’t want a new lover; I just wanted you

Tell me you love me.

Black as night, clear as day

I’m misunderstanding

in every way

what you don’t say; but do

I never hear

don’t have a clue

 — —

Sometimes people tell you that they love you, in a language you don’t understand.

You’re looking for the universe and missing the stars.

Crowdsourced relationship perspectives (dotpdf)

I was inspired by the collection of experiences available in the very lengthy Emotional Labor Metafilter thread. I learnt a heap from it and decided that the conversations I’ve had with friends on facebook regarding relationships was just as fascinating to me.

Over a couple of years, I posed specific relationship questions to my online community and have (with their approval), collected their responses here for your perusal and pondering:

NFS – Crowdsourced relationship perspectives