Body.

In what ways can I pull
And stretch
Or shrink
My body so it feels like me?
What does it feel like
To look
And touch
And breathe something that’s you?
I keep thinking that some day
I’ll look in the mirror
And smile
And they’ll smile back
A seeing smile
A connected smile
Between what’s in the head
And the heart
And the flesh
Not this tentative, unsure curl of the lips
An up curl, or a down? Or both?
Which category is mine
Ours
Yours
Is there such a thing that holds me?

Crazy.

The city was an actual nightmare this morning. Thousands of people, swarming into all of the empty space, searching for Boxing Day sales and somewhere to sit. I braved the sun, wearing an open back dress that I’d never worn before. Behind me I overheard “I’m glad I don’t look like that” and of course I assumed they were talking about me. I wanted to turn around and ask them what they said, dare them to say it again, ask them if they were referring to the back I had uncovered, but I didn’t. Because that would be crazy.  It was 25 degrees by 11am but I put a cardigan on. That’s less crazy, right?