One night you held me so tightly that I noticed how much I shook in your arms. I wondered how many times before then I’d spoken my truth in your bed and shook without those arms wrapped around me. I wondered what compelled the strength you had to hold me close this time when you hadn’t before. All the other times there was a vast, cold gulf of air between us and I was mistaken about my composure and confidence because I hadn’t noticed my body’s reaction.

What I wouldn’t give to be held like that, right now. Seen like that. What I wouldn’t give to feel like everything was going to be ok, because someone could see how I struggle even when I don’t.